Find the Joy Anyway (From Within My Illusions)
He said, “Your job when you leave this room is to not deny what’s happening in your life. Whatever shit is hitting the fan at any given moment, whatever pain or pressure you might feel, feel it. And find the joy anyway.” There comes a moment in every cycle class when the room goes dark and my heart becomes more than the transport organ for my blood. I become the one transported, opening to wisdom and insight, clarity and focus. After the hard work is done: the fastest sprint the highest climb, the tests of strength and endurance, we ride in a strange sort of silence created by the steady bass line of electronic music and a few words offered by our instructor. Often I am alone in my own zone. Sometimes I compose verse in my mind. And once in a while I hear words that penetrate. “Find the joy anyway.” Easy to say, but on days when tears burn the backs of my eyes it can be harder to remember that finding joy is not a matter of searching like a child on Easter morning for transient treasures contained in plastic eggshells. It’s more like traveling the yellow brick road and discovering that there are gifts in the wandering, that there can be laughter in the moments between tears, hope beneath fears, a chance to shift gears and see a little differently. And maybe, just maybe, realize that the joy was inside me all along.